Today, I came in to work wearing an eye patch.
Today, I nicked my wrist on a broken glass as I was unpacking a bin, and bled copiously all over the floor. Fortunately, I was wearing a sweatshirt and that soaked up a lot of the blood running down my arm. Also fortunately, I had a pile of dusty tissue paper handy (from the non-broken glasses) that I could use to try to staunch the flow (which was fortunately flowing strongly enough that I don't think I'll get an infection from the dust and dirt. Score!). Not so fortunately, I couldn't find anyone else in the building to help me. I wasn't dizzy or freaking out or anything - but when you're pressing a handful of old, blood-soaked tissue paper to a wound you can't actually see because it's on the other side of your arm and you just HOPE you're applying pressure to the right spot, you kind of want someone around for a little moral support, you know? The costume shop was completely empty, and everyone in the front office was on the phone and so couldn't come to my aid EVEN AS I WAS WAVING MY BLOODY ARM AROUND IN THE LOBBY. (That was descriptive, not British swearing.) Eventually, I got it all taken care of myself (although I had to go back to the - empty - costume shop for band-aids) and even got my sweatshirt into a load of laundry. (As soon as I started the machine, one of the costumers walked in. Oy.)
Today, I really needed cookies.
Today I burned myself with hot glue. I pulled the droplet off my hand, and it took the skin with it.
Today, I spent much of my time in the bathroom scraping mucus out of my eye and carefully dabbing Neosporin over the swelling (even though you should apparently NEVER use Neosporin that close to your eyes). Then I found out that there's a good chance the sty/pinkeye/whatever is actually a cold sore (ON MY EYE) and that thanks to the herpes virus I've had all my life, I will probably someday need cornea transplants if I don't get the shot that can (FINALLY) kill the virus. Also, Neosporin doesn't do squat for viruses. Also, if I ever need the cornea transplant I will have to pay for it myself because no insurance is going to cover it, seeing as I have had the herpes virus all my life. Plus I have a cold sore ON MY EYE and a blind date in two days. (Insert applicable joke here. Make sure it's bitter.)
Today I had leftover pasta from the Cheesecake Factory for lunch, and I did not get sick or food poisoning or anything. Who would have thought?
5 comments:
I vote you wear the eye patch on the date.
I'm seriously considering it. I'll have to Bedazzle it first, of course.
oiy vey! seriously. feeling for you.
Okay you should win a prize for most things that could go wrong in a day! If I was there I would have been there with dinner made a carton of Ben and Jerry's and a good ol' chick flick! You deserve it after a day like that!
This is entirely my fault, Charisse. I asked you to Blog again and life gave you enough fodder for a boatload of amazing entries. Sorry!!! I should have been more specific when I Secreted "more blogs by Charisse."
When you're far enough removed from it to find the humor (though I suspect you already are)--the mental picture of you--in full eye-patch glory--waving your blood soaked arm around the lobby of "The Hales" while all the front office people are calmly taking calls? PRICELESS.
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