Ten Things Pride & Prejudice Won't Tell You (But I Will)
1 - A single man in possession of a good fortune may be in want of a wife, but it will take a house, two cars, jet skis, a yearly Caribbean getaway, several "long-term" relationships, even more "short-term flings", and a stock market crash to make him realize it. Even then, he'll buy a Mexican vacation timeshare first.
2 - You probably think you're most like Elizabeth Bennett. Almost all females who read Pride & Prejudice do. The "Jane"s you know are out on dates, the "Kitty"s and "Lydia"s are at the mall or a bar, and the "Mary"s are working on a science project or reading manga comics. You think at least one of your best friends is a Charlotte, but she thinks she's a Lizzie too.
3 - Mr. Darcy's not coming, and you probably wouldn't like him much if he did stop by. Who really wants to be with a guy who's almost pathologically incapable of expressing his true feelings?4 - When Mr. Right does arrive, not only will he not be Mr. Darcy, he probably won't be rich (you're on your own for those student loans) AND he is not likely to look like Colin Firth or even Matthew MacFayden. He'll actually look more like Mr. Collins, and you'll like him anyway.
5 - When it comes to a crisis, you are far more likely to be rescued by a parent, a sibling, or a good friend than by a guy.
6 - You will probably be called upon to rescue a sibling or a good friend yourself at some point. Start building a network of useful contacts now.
7 - That empty house or flat in your neighborhood is far more likely to be rented by a couple of decrepit retirees or a family with three noisy children and two dogs than by Mr. Bingley.
8 - If Mr. Bingley does show up, he'll be gay.
9 - In all honesty, your mother will never be as bad as Mrs. Bennett. (And if you do know a Lady Catherine de Bourgh, she's either your grandmother or one of the decrepit retirees renting the place down the street.)
10 - Sisters and female friends can be dramatic and headache-inducing, but they will also provide some of the best, most stable and reliable relationships you'll ever have. Treat them well. (Oh, wait - that one IS in the book!)
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Feel free to add your own in the comments! ;-)
6 comments:
#8 is my favorite.
And in reference to #1, I would also add that a single WOMAN in possession of a good fortune (i.e. house, car, 401K) is generally too intimidating for any man to seriously approach. Sad, but true.
... but only "generally", as you've found your exception - yes? (SQUEEE!!!)
I would also refer you to this awesome article: http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/opinion/51673478-82/lds-women-initiative-single.html.csp
which, ironically, begins almost identically to this post... :)
It IS one of the most quoted lines in the history of English literature... so many applications!
I wouldn't exactly call that article "awesome" - mainly because I was in an over-31 (yep, I really am - you never would have guessed, would you?) singles ward in which I was cheerful, friendly, sociable, visible (Sunday School teacher - maybe too good?), deliberately flirtatious (I even kissed my home teacher after church one Sunday, just to prove I was interested - it was a Sunday-adjacent kiss!), as attractive as possible, non-clingy and non-desperate, and I still couldn't get any of the "anxious-to-get-married" brethren in the ward to ask me out. From what I could tell (during my year-and-a-half in the ward) "finances", "fun", and "fear" triumphed over even the unnamed "f". I would have considered a nice date to be a success, let alone a proposal!
I'm fully supportive of the target male contingent... and to this point - not impressed. (I'm still impressed by YOU - in this case it's a good thing that you don't count as my "target male contingent"! ;-) )
Admit that while you may consider yourself to be most like Elizabeth Bennett, you may, in fact, be more like Mr. Darcy. (In temperament, not looks, which would indeed be most unfortunate)
Playing the piano and/or singing nicely does not automatically attract a husband. If it did, a lot more of my friends would be married, or at least dating the Mr. Bingleys who haven't come out of the closet.
Of course I didn't mean you Charisse-you are most definitely more like Elizabeth than Mr. Darcy!
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