The Little Big Stuff (I NEED -YOUR- HELP)

I have a dilemma.

It's nothing huge, don't worry... but don't you hate how you agonize over the small things, when you can make major decisions in a couple of blinks? (Or maybe you don't. You probably think the big stuff over for a reasonable amount of time, and then make a well-thought-out decision. This is why I'm coming to you for help.)

The sitch is this: I play the piano for Relief Society. From the very first day I stepped in I've been asking to get the weekly hymns in advance so that I can practice them (so as not to suck). (Sorry for saying 'suck' in a church-y post.) No one seems to plan the hymns in advance (there is a music coordinator, but I haven't seen her at RS for months. I think she's been having some health/mobility issues). Here's the problem: the sitch is making me crazy.

I TOLD you it was nothing huge.

I love the hymns. They are actually a lot harder to play than you might expect, and they're even harder to play when you're trying to follow a conductor while a bunch of people are singing along to what you're playing (or in my case, trying frantically to play). No one will let me know in advance what hymns to look at (at least, not without -me- pulling -their- teeth), they just say 'Oh, you pick - anything you like' two minutes before the meeting starts. So here's my dilemma: How do I tell the teachers and/or RS Presidency that I am not 'down with this' without sounding preachy, petty, whiny, and/or self-righteous? (Point one: It may not be possible, as I could very well be one of all of these things. Unfortunately. Point two: My RS Pres is pretty blog-saavy, and may check in here before I actually decide what to do. She's cool, though, and may have some good suggestions. Hi, Naomi! You rock!)

I want to help build the kingdom, and I don't want to criticize. I want to be positive and helpful, not all growly and finger-pointy. I also want to define some acceptable limits so that I don't chew down my back teeth. (This is a very dental-adjacent post, for some reason.) So, at the moment I'm thinking of a letter, something like this:

"Dear wonderful RS teachers:

Thank you so much for your love and work on the lessons! I think you might be missing an opportunity, though, and I'd like to share it with you. The hymns we sing in Relief Society are a chance to both set the mood for your lesson and wrap it up/support it on the way out. I, the pianist, have a very limited repetoire of hymns that I can play well, and I depend on getting a little notice in order to practice them so that I can help your lessons.

Here's the opportunity: I'm playing as a volunteer, not because it's a calling - I haven't been blessed or set apart to have any particular insight into what you'll be teaching. I'm also a student looking at an extremely busy second term. However, I am very willing to do what I can to practice whatever hymns will best speak for your lessons - otherwise, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a list of the songs I actually can play (I think there's about 10) and we'll have to choose from those the day of if there isn't something picked out at least a couple of days ahead of time. You've all been very kind about mentioning how well I play - trust me, I cringe over every wrong note. If I can't practice, I can't improve, and I just don't have time this term to learn ALL the hymns! I want to help, I really do, and a hymn that 1) supports your lesson and 2) helps the sisters learn and become familiar with a wide range of hymns (also known as 'Scripture') can only be a good thing.

I know our Music Coordinator has been dealing with other things and hasn't been around, so I'll make this request one more time. Could you please get me two hymns that you'd like sung with your lesson by the Wednesday before you teach? (Or, do like Amy Hunt did the week before last and give me the song numbers the week before in church! It was awesome.) I will make every effort to practice. I may not be perfect, but I'll feel a lot better about the effort - and that much less stress means I'll be able to enjoy your lessons even more. I do hope you don't mind my asking! If this is too much pressure for you, I understand and I'll get you that list of hymns.

Thank you, ladies -

Charisse"

* * * * *

So, what do you think? Am I really as obnoxious as I'm starting to suspect I am? There's something of a tendency over here to expect other people in the Church to 'take care of' things (and with some validity: I am playing, after all) and I don't want to enable that any more. IT'S SUCH A SMALL STUPID THING, I KNOW,  and I am almost as frustrated by the fact that I'm frustrated about it as I am frustrated about the initial... frustration. Sheesh. Do I send (well, Facebook Message) this letter (or some version of it)? Do I shut up and start meditation exercises, and learn two news hymns a week? Do I draw hymn numbers out of a hat and play those, regardless of the lesson topic? (I... actually really like that last one. Hmmm.)

Please help me not go postal on my sweet Relief Society sisters and the generally pretty cool Relief Society presidency. Help me to sharetheloooooove and maketheworldabetterplaaaaaace, instead.

Especially not over 'hymn choice.' Over pornography, smoking in the bathroom*, or the ward Christmas party, sure. Not the hymns.

Thanks. I'll be in the corner, chewing on my fingernails in order to give my molars a break.

Weigh in!**

* Not that anyone I know has ever done this. Particularly not at church. Or during a Ward Council meeting. Allegedly.

** That means 'please comment' and GUIDE MEEEEEEE.