Green, Yellow, .... (Brake Really Hard)

In which we shall see: Speed (not THAT kind), an extended metaphor, an epiphany, a Sidebar including MoTab, a brick wall, a potential remake of Thelma and Louise, common sense, a guest appearance by my mother, a PSA, and the rock album of the (last) year.

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I like to drive fast. Fortunately, my slightly oversized Matchbox car doesn't have much gumption, so even the fact that I am a "woman driver" doesn't inspire a lot of fear. Speed is my friend and therefore stoplights are not - unfortunately, I happen to have the worst timing KNOWN TO MAN. If I'm in anything remotely resembling even the teensy-tiniest little bit of a hurry (which, let's face it, is normal for me), 98% of the lights I encounter WILL be red. Even having lived with this timing problem for years has not mellowed me to its effects - sometimes I'll gun through yellow/blushing/actually red lights just for spite, not because I really need to be somewhere. (And those timing issues apply to relationships, too... Wait, yes, that is a topic for another post. Or 50.)

So I'm out driving tonight (Daughtry CD blaring) and I'm coming up to a light, and oh! - it turned red! and I accepted the moment with a brief mental sigh rather than a spurt of blood-vessel-popping road rage (my more usual M.O. - I REALLY hate waiting). As I came to a stop, a flash of mental clarity came to me, and I spent the rest of the drive pondering a new idea. (cont. below)

(SIDEBAR: These introspective episodes seem to be happening more frequently since I started this blog - what with the whole "wanting to find something interesting to say" motivation growing, and all. Could it be that I'm finally starting to gain a better understanding of myself and those around me? Could true enlightenment be far away? Could the Blog really be such a powerful tool? *chorus: "Laaaaaaa!"* Within the next few posts, we may find out!)

(cont.) I wondered: maybe stoplights aren't such a bad thing. Sure, they choke me up and get in the way (hate waiting!), but they're also probably keeping me safe. I have been known to zone out and get distracted (I'm famous for U-turns in my family), and I do go a little too fast now and then, so it could be a good thing to be checked and slowed. That stoplight is a breather, a chance to become re-aware of my location and the other drivers around me... Without lights I might not ever get to where I'm trying to go, since I'm most often trying to so quickly get to where I want to be that I lose track of landmarks and roads and the nitty-gritty of HOW to get there. When I stop I can check the directions AND scan for street signs! Bonus!

Then I thought: maybe my life is like that, too. I hate waiting, and I hate feeling like I'm being checked up in getting to what I want to do - but when I look back I can see that if I hadn't been pulled up short on a regular basis I could be on a very different, much less pleasant, road. Case in point - (Warning: awkward confessional ahead) a while ago I found myself rushing into a situation and ignoring the yellow lights flashing madly from all sides. I knew it was stupid, and inappropriate, and unacceptable... and I didn't care. I was going in anyway. Until I came up to a red light masquerading as a brick wall - then I stopped, and threw one heckuva temper tantrum... I wanted to be stupid! I wanted to throw caution (and better judgement) to the winds, and I was mad that I wasn't going to be ALLOWED to make a destructive idiot of myself! It took me a few minutes to calm down and realize I was still being an idiot - I was just doing it at zero MPH instead of 120. I learned it's much easier to repent of a temper tantrum than from gleefully driving yourself over a cliff, and I quickly became grateful for the enforced halt.

Impulsiveness and need-for-speed do not make a great combination. If I didn't have an ingrained respect for the rules of the road (and, OK, cops make me nervous) I'd be in a lot more trouble out there on a regular basis. The Lord doesn't often step in and yank us to a halt - instead He gives laws and signs and other kinds of traffic officers (as well as our own hearts and minds and - underused - common sense) to guide and keep us safe. If a red light comes up suddenly as I'm careening through life, maybe it's because I'm missing something important along the way, or maybe I'm heading the wrong direction when I need to take stock and try another route. I really like yellow lights when I see them from a couple of blocks away; I know that if I slow down just a little, the light will have gone to red and then back to green by the time I get there, and I can cruise on through. So if I can learn to look a little farther ahead, I might be able to smooth out the day-to-day details of living...

When I started driving, I remember my mother (yes, mother) telling me that to navigate a turn I had to look a ways out in front of the car, and NOT directly at the road immediately ahead. If I did that, the car would turn smoothly, and I'd have a better view of what was coming. Mom's a pretty good driver - I don't like her to borrow my car, of course, since she always moves the seat, but she's not bad out on the road. Her advice has served me well - and may continue to help me along my way to a more congenial relationship with stoplights. As for the timing issues - well, eventually I'll learn to suck it up and give myself a little more space... It couldn't hurt!

In conclusion: wear your seatbelt. Also, the Daughtry album is EXCELLENT.

Watch out for falling turtles,

Cyd


Meaningful phone calls I made today: 0
Ageist Facebook conversation I had today: 1 (love ya, Greg!)
Thing I did today that was stupid, yet "unavoidable": 1
Resolutions I made today: 4 (more on these later)