Nothing Good Gets Away

John Steinbeck on Falling in Love: A 1958 Letter
by Maria Popova

Nobel laureate John Steinbeck (1902-1968) might be best known as the author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, but he was also a prolific letter-writer... Among his correspondence is this beautiful response to his eldest son Thom's 1958 letter, in which the teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan while at boarding school. Steinbeck's words of wisdom - tender, optimistic, timeless, infinitely sagacious - should be etched onto the heart and mind of every living, breathing human being.

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

* * * * *

The content and thoughts on love are beautiful and important, and I also love the relationship presented by a teenage boy consulting his father (and mother, presumably) on such a topic and receiving a considerate, honest, joyful response. This is the kind of message from a parent that a child will (and should) keep for always.

Vive la Post Office!

* * * * *

The original article is here at Brain Pickings.
Thanks to the Facebook friend who linked it!

*

An Open Letter (That Is Not Likely To Be Read By The Pertinent Individuals)

So. Here it is.

Remember when I told you, oh, last summer, that I wouldn't be chasing after you, trying to pin you down anymore? That still applies. You're three-for-three on flaking out on invitations I've made to you that you've accepted, then blown off. I've moved a ways past "shame on me" status here - and I'm pretty sure that all your "we need to get together" and "I owe you a date" talk is just a lot of hot air. Texting does not a relationship (of any sort) make, and I never signed up to be your Lonely Hearts Cruise Director in the first place. (Oh, and recognizing to whom you are speaking AND spelling her name correctly - FAIL - are, oddly, important in a friendship. FYI.) As far as I can tell, we're not anything to each other anymore, so this is not a breakup. This is a me-growing-up (ha) and-removing-myself-from-whatever-outer-darkness place I have on your priority list. I'm not faulting you (much), it's your list - I'm faulting myself for realizing that "I don't believe you" feeling has been the hallmark of our interactions and for allowing pseudo-flirtation and empty promises to stand in place of real intent and action. My bad. I'm not heartbroken or anything - there are no country-music songs being written in my head this week - and we'll never actually have this conversation simply because I don't believe you've ever thought about any of this. You'll probably miss me, but you'll get over it - I know I'll miss you, but then, I've had a lot of practice.

Oh, and you, yes, you - the one over there sitting on your broken-legged Bar Stool of Superiority - GET OVER YOURSELF. Doing things in an accepted and established way is not food for scorn just because it wasn't your idea in the first place. Most people (that I've talked to, anyway) actually think it's a good policy to research a text (i.e., read it) and base a plan of action on that, rather than on the hazy vision floating around inside the heads of crazy persons. In a related note, I DO know how to read, and to listen and retain information - skills you seem to be seriously lacking. I get that you don't like me - I don't understand why you came to that conclusion, but hey, I can accept your decision. What I do not accept is your determination to condescend to and purposefully misunderstand me, to make accusations for which you have no basis, and to hold me responsible for situations over which I have no authority. Grow up. Make at least some attempt to act in the professional manner that your position requires. Communicate (effectively, please) even if you don't want to, and either OWN UP or SHUT UP. Please note that it is entirely likely that we will be having some version of this conversation in real life. Should be fun for everybody!

Talk about your falling turtles,

Cyd

P.S. Note to self: What is it with you and idiot guys? Get a grip, get some therapy, or both! Also, It's probably not the BEST idea to blog about these kinds of things late at night. Remember how we talked (at length) about impulse control? Try applying it, -K-?

P.P.S. Whatever, self. I'm on a roll. Better to hope that this translates to RL motivation and empowerment!

P.P.P.S. In the end, I got into grad school in London and will not have to deal with these people (others like them, no doubt, but not these specifically) for much longer. Win-win (for me).

P.P.P.P.S. Separate grad school post to follow!