Tips for Triumph: Getting Rid of that Song in Your Head

Here, once again, is an outlet for day-to-day living advice that will make you more attractive to the opposite sex, boost your love life, make you smarter AND more sensitive, and (FDA approval pending) lower your cholesterol.

Today's edition: Mental Plumbing

Don't you just hate waking up weird? You know, with a headache, or a backache, or a determination that the outfit you dreamed up that really is NOT attractive WILL work this time? It's just not right. Anyway, I woke up this morning somewhat depressed. (WEIRD.) In an effort to get some exercise and cheer myself up, I walked to the local movie theatre and saw Kung Fu Panda. Totally worked! Ska-DOUSH! (sp.) I wanted to continue the cheering by sharing with you all (the five people who read this - love ya!) one of the greatest secrets known to mankind, a harbringer of peace and mental clarity in troubled times...

Picture it - you're toodling along, doing your thing, minding your business, and suddenly - there it is. That catchy, pernicious song that gets stuck in your head and WILL NOT GO AWAY. You change the radio dial - you turn on the TV - you stick your fingers in your ears and hum to yourself while driving (yep, that's what they're doing) - you drink water upside down, ANYTHING to get that song out of your mind. And yet, three days later when you're lying on your bedroom floor counting paint strokes on the ceiling and making drool marks on the carpet, it's still there. I know this has happened to all of us - I've seen most of your bedroom carpets, remember. I OFFER YOU A SOLUTION.

(It seriously constantly surprises me how many people don't know about this.)

All you need to return to sanity and save your bedroom carpets is one song, the cleansing song, sorbet for your brain: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". It is the great secret weapon, the mental musical toothpick. The next time "It's a Small World" or "How Do I Live" or "Hey-Ya" or "Baby's Got Back" is rattling around in your cranium like loose change in a jelly jar, just hum a few bars of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" (any version is fine, though I'm partial to Judy Garland). I don't know why it works, but it does. Within just a few lines the soul-sucking tune is expelled - and SOtR goes with it. That's right, folks - SOtR is one song that will NOT stick around! Not only does it act as mental Drain-O, it leaves no sticky residue behind! You may have a mild resurgence of the destructive melody hook - just break out the SOtR once more and you'll be free. Works for all ages, all musical genres - both a wistful show tune AND a medical miracle!

Just try it. This one's on me.

"Are you sure this is going to work? "Horse With No Name" will finally be GONE?"

"Well, naturally, having no brain, nothing gets stuck inside HERE. But the Wizard says this is the way to go! Sing it, Dorothy!"