I have plans for three separate posts, including: the conclusion of the family weight-loss contest, the passing of a long-time family friend, and the high school play we just closed (which also involves the pregnant drama teacher horrifically dislocating her knee and as a consequence turning the program and all classes and current and future rehearsals over to me a month earlier than expected) but this post is about none of those things. Coming soon!
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For all you Regency Romance novel readers (you know who you are) – two Top Ten lists of Things No-one Would Ever Say in a Regency-set Historical Romance: (SENSITIVITY RATING – it’s racy. For Regency, anyway.)
The heroine:
1. Hell with Almack’s. I think I’ll stay home and entertain myself with the footmen.
2. I might as well marry the first man who offers for me. I can always have passionate love affairs afterward.
3. I never really wanted to be a writer/surgeon/spy/scientist/ explorer/archaeologist/herbalist/highwayperson/governess/ publisher/artist/balloonist/acrobat/pirate/opera singer/engineer. It just seemed to make me more attractive to eligible men.
4. Oh, Papa, what a shame you gambled away the family fortune. I’m afraid I can’t think of anything I could possibly do to help out.
5. A devastatingly handsome, notorious, wicked rake? Eeeew.
6. I know it’s our wedding night, but would you mind terribly if I got on with my knitting?
7. I don’t care if that adorable lisping child is the apple of the hero’s eye. If she doesn’t shut up I’ll slap her.
8. Pay no attention to my siblings. They’re only here for the sequels.
9. Would you mind using one of those things made from animal intestines?
10. You don’t have any? Look in my reticule.
The hero:
1. No brandy for me, thank you. It gives me terrible wind.
2. But I always wear a nightshirt and nightcap. Why should it be any different tonight?
3. Butler, remove this strange woman from my bed immediately.
4. All this striding around is giving me groin injuries.
5. No, no. I insist, madam. You take the floor. I’ll be quite comfortable in this huge bed.
6. Send my valet for some Rogaine. I have been indulging in overmuch hair raking.
7. I’m afraid some women have complained it’s rather on the small side.
8. I am Everard Dominic Ashford Alexander Artichoke FitzGrennan, Duke of Hawkraven, known and feared as Satan’s Elbow, but you may address me as… Cuddles.
9. I really don’t want to go to a gambling hell tonight. Couldn’t we just stay home and read up on the bills we’re supposed to vote on tomorrow in the House?
10. Waterloo? Oh, it was quite fun, actually.
-Janet Mullany, The Rules of Gentility
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