I'll Have a Blue Christmas

Christmas was not much fun this year.

Isn't that terrible? Not the sentiment (lots of people have crappy Christmases, unfortunately) but the fact that I, a white, middle-aged, healthy, American student with non-divorced, solvent parents, non-dramatic siblings (of the 'brought no drama upon themselves or anyone else' category), nieces and nephews that give every indication of growing up to be stable, happy, contributing members of society, and friends who are intelligent/talented/compassionate/attractive people across the board, AND has a warm (?) place to live and food to eat would actually complain about a 'not fun' Christmas. (Sorry, that sentence got a little bit away from me.) So, I'm in a different country and couldn't get home for the holiday. Bummer, but hardly a big deal as I was in essentially the same situation last year and had a pretty great time.

Still, it really wasn't.

I point this out not, as it may first appear, in order to whine like an overly-entitled (um, I can't really think of a good word for it, see paragraph above), but instead to determine what to DO about it for next year.

- Turns out, I really missed my family. There are some major health concerns going on right now, and I really wish I could have been around to offer support and just help out.
- Sometime in the last year or two I've become a lot less of a loner than I used to be. Christmas by myself has been fine in the past, but it wasn't this time. I think I may be starting to appreciate people, particularly real friends, more than I ever have before. (Hey, look at that - personal growth!)
- If I can't be somewhere cozy and bright with people I'm related to, I'd much rather be doing something good and productive for someone that needs the help. We have a relatively recent tradition in my family of going to the homeless shelter on Christmas Eve to help collect gifts and donations, and I'd like to do more. In the UK, unfortunately, even the shelters are closed on Christmas (even if there were a way to get there as there's no public transportation on Christmas. Or Boxing Day. Don't EVEN get me started) so that wasn't an option this year when I knew I'd be staying again.
- Christmas presents kind of ... well, suck. Particularly when you're single and away from people who know you and anything cool you might get has to go through Royal Mail. It shouldn't be, but for me it's disappointing when the gift you get from, oh, say, your housemate doesn't reflect anywhere near the same kind of thought or attention that you put into the gift you gave. 'It's the thought that counts' doesn't really work when the last-minute earrings are so far away from anything resembling your personal style you develop an allergy to them on sight. And boxes of Ziploc baggies and a package of Q-tips, though things you fully intended to purchase on that originally planned trip home, are not exactly Christmas-y (even when they're wrapped). I understand now why women can get sad over gardening gloves and duct tape for an anniversary present: they may be useful, and needed, and even asked for, but they're not nearly as much fun as a tennis bracelet or Godiva chocolates or a pair of knitted holiday socks that play tinny carols when you walk and tell dirty jokes when you Macarena. (I'm just spitballing on the socks. I think they sound AWESOME - someone should invent them.) I just like some presents to be FUN and appeal to my sense of humor, my style, who I am. (Also, the large hardback book about a current hobby/obsession is nice, but not when you live in another country and will have to figure out how to get it home eventually. Think!) Last year I decided to try to figure out how to convince people not to give me birthday presents, and let me give them presents instead - I think I may try that for Christmas next year. Better to not get anything and be happy than get stuff and be disappointed! (Ooh - or, maybe plan from the very start on strategic re-gifting. Hmmm.)

ANYWAY, it's not like I had a miserable Christmas or anything - just somewhat underwhelming. There were good things: I got to attend the Christmas Eve Carol Service in the Canterbury Cathedral with a good friend and her family (and I wish I'd taken them up on their offer to join them for Christmas when it was first made), I got to hold an adorable, whip-smart baby and help her open her presents while her parents and grandparents played Santa and helped the other two (equally adorable) kids, and I had a lovely trip to the Temple a couple of days before.

I would like Christmas to be seriously whelming. I want to be around people, I want to be able to make it to church when it falls on a Sunday, I want to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special and play games and run around and give hugs and clean up and do something really useful for someone else. I want to find ways to give 'real' gifts, and not so much 'stuff'.

I think I'd better start planning now - that may be key.

* * * * *

Only 363 days 'til Christmas 2012... and it's going to be spectacular!*





*So let it be written, so let it be done.