I meant to post this video yesterday, and I forgot. Then I remembered.
Simple, direct communication (plus a few guts) - it's the way to go. Shakespeare's all very well and good, but when it comes to relationships let's just SAY IT, okay? (And have fun!)
(Linked via my new 'obsessing-over' blog: A Blog About Love. One of these days - ooh, Spring Break! - I'm going to sit down and go back through the entire blog - there are lots of posts, but they've actually only been writing since September - and take notes. AND APPLY THEM TO MY LIFE. Amen.)
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Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
March 28, 2012
June 15, 2011
Email's Not for Skimming
Communication is a funny thing.
Some say that this electronic era makes it difficult to connect with people, because things like texts and emails don't allow for tone-of-voice or body language. It's a compelling argument.
I think, though, that people make it hard to connect with people.
Case in point:
I emailed the Associated Press to ask for information about licensing an image we wanted to use for a show, and I sent it from my school account to make sure it was official (it's a .uk address). After I signed my name I also listed out the full name of the school, and added a comma London. The response I got (in a fairly timely manner, so the AP has that going for it) stated that they couldn't give out information until they knew the location of the licensee, when they would forward the email to the correct office.
I was a little befuddled. I looked back through my email - and yes, I included both the facts that the show was through my school and the name of the school comma London. As I scrolled down further I discovered that emails sent from my school have footers attached to them, which include terms like "London", "England", and "Wales", just in case you were unsure which side of the globe to point at.
It seems to me that, particularly in a business setting, it's a good idea to ACTUALLY READ THE EMAIL all the way through before asking a question that is answered in that original email. It could be just me, though.
Case 2:
In setting up a meeting with a tutor we went back and forth on days and times, and finally settled on Wednesday at 4:30. I responded again with "Where? In the school? Or at the Hampstead?" (a next-door theatre where the lobby is a cafe where people often meet.) His answer - "In the lobby."
Now see, that's a tricky one, answering a question where the 'conclusion' applies to both suggestions... Keeps things exciting, I suppose.
* * * * *
Apropos of nothing, I'd like us all to pull out our best American Redneck voices and chorus along:
Some say that this electronic era makes it difficult to connect with people, because things like texts and emails don't allow for tone-of-voice or body language. It's a compelling argument.
I think, though, that people make it hard to connect with people.
Case in point:
I emailed the Associated Press to ask for information about licensing an image we wanted to use for a show, and I sent it from my school account to make sure it was official (it's a .uk address). After I signed my name I also listed out the full name of the school, and added a comma London. The response I got (in a fairly timely manner, so the AP has that going for it) stated that they couldn't give out information until they knew the location of the licensee, when they would forward the email to the correct office.
I was a little befuddled. I looked back through my email - and yes, I included both the facts that the show was through my school and the name of the school comma London. As I scrolled down further I discovered that emails sent from my school have footers attached to them, which include terms like "London", "England", and "Wales", just in case you were unsure which side of the globe to point at.
It seems to me that, particularly in a business setting, it's a good idea to ACTUALLY READ THE EMAIL all the way through before asking a question that is answered in that original email. It could be just me, though.
Case 2:
In setting up a meeting with a tutor we went back and forth on days and times, and finally settled on Wednesday at 4:30. I responded again with "Where? In the school? Or at the Hampstead?" (a next-door theatre where the lobby is a cafe where people often meet.) His answer - "In the lobby."
Now see, that's a tricky one, answering a question where the 'conclusion' applies to both suggestions... Keeps things exciting, I suppose.
* * * * *
Apropos of nothing, I'd like us all to pull out our best American Redneck voices and chorus along:
August 23, 2010
Inspired By Recent Events
Well, OK, not LOTS of things, as it would take me a while to get past the "guh" and the drooling and the fangirly squealing and by the time I worked up a semi-intelligent comment like "Hi" he would have already moved on to making the next BBC period drama (yesyesyes, PLEASE) and forgotten all about me (but only until I pull it together! In a few years!).
In the hypothetical (and highly desirable) situation in which we were in a position to talk like rational human beings, or better yet be very close chums who hang out and laugh about stuff, or best yet be dating (yesyesyes PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE) I would probably say things like the following:
23 Things Women (Particularly Single Ones) Would Like to Say to Men (Particularly Single Ones, But Married Guys Could Take a Lesson Too) -
1. Every woman could use one compliment a day.
2. We'd rather you didn't say, "I'll call you" if you really mean "goodbye." Just don't say anything — we won't think you're a jerk as we part ways for the night. And you know the saying that goes, "It's better to under-promise and over-deliver"? How about, just don't promise anything and don't deliver anything.
3. Most of us are not crazy or psycho. We can be emotional and hormonal.
4. If we catch you glancing at our chest when you're a foot away, we'll think you're rude and have no willpower. You can look, but from a distance.
5. Even the most confident among us can act needy and insecure at times. It happens when you start pulling away and we're not aware that that's what you're doing, only that you're acting funny. But oh, you should see how cool and independent most of us are when we're not dating someone.
6. Feminine hygiene commercials are silly, but don't complain about having to watch them. Try having to use them — for several days each month, I mean — for most of your life. When you complain, it makes you look insensitive. And weak. We have no sympathy.
7. Please don't yell when you think we're driving poorly, especially if we're from the west coast and we've never seen a rotary before. Just give us advice, help, or moral support. (P.S. If you stomp your foot on the ground because you think we should brake, well, it's just funny. We will brake if/when we need to.)
8. If you text, "Hows ur week goin?" we can either reply "good" and risk sounding curt (see #16) or we can send you a 400-word document. Don't put us in this position. Just don't text open-ended questions.
9. Texting a girl twice a week does not count as staying in contact. It's meaningless and a waste of everyone's time. Let her go.
10. Booty texts: weak.
11. If you're a mama's boy and you're looking for a wife, think about it: what woman wants to be #2? Consider setting boundaries and work on establishing some independence. You and your mom can have a loving relationship without being co-dependent.
12. After you do something bad, it would be so much better if you called us right away to apologize. You think it's best to wait a few days while we cool off, but what's cooling off is our feelings for you. Man up. The sooner the better.
13. The reason we're up in your grill about what time you're coming over, and the reason we're so good at communicating our own whereabouts, is that since the beginning of time our parents were making us report back to them about where we were and when we'd be home.
Most of the girls I knew, including my sister and I, didn't have the freedom the boys in our neighborhood had. Then in college, out of habit, we always told our roommates when we would be home (especially if we went to school in a bad neighborhood), and they did the same.
So that's why we're like that. We've been under tight surveillance since birth and it took a lot of work just to be allowed (FINALLY) to ride our bikes un-chaperoned to the movie theater. Now we're trained. If you don't like that we're this way, take it up with our parents.
14. High heels really hurt.
15. Teasing won't bait us. Attempting to wear us down is annoying.
16. 5-word emails seem cranky. Efficient, yes. Loving, no. Greet. Ask questions. Elaborate where possible.
17. If we say we're babysitting for a friend, we did not say we want to have a baby now and that we want you to be the dad. "I'm babysitting" simply means, "I'm busy being a good friend." You are paranoid and it's embarrassing.
18. Stop talking about marrying us until you actually give one of us a ring.
19. Please be aware of how serious and in love you sound. Just say, "I like you," not, "Let's fly to Miami next month." (I thought guys were supposed to be direct.) Sure, it sounds cooler (and less vulnerable) to talk a big game about Miami, but come next month, you won't remember saying anything about Miami.
20. If a girl has pretty eyes, she has probably heard men tell her that five thousand times. It's fine to repeat the compliment, but you'll make a much bigger impression if you find something else to compliment.
21. As far as having children goes, you have the luxury of time. Appreciate it.
22. Taking us for granted is probably the worst thing you could do after cheating and lying. Since women are very good at appreciating each other, your behavior looks kinda selfish to us.
Source: Msn.com
In this wonderful fictional situation, he'd respond by looking like this:
And well, he can't exactly help looking like this:
Gentlemen, take a lesson.
September 28, 2008
Day i - Goals Post
In which we shall see: ...nothing at all to do with football (sorry, sports fans).
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I know I haven't posted in a while, and to make up for it you will have a GLUT of entries to sort through in the next month... because I'm doing a "30-Days Post"! The idea is to get something up every day for a month - I'll try for journaling, pictures, links, jokes, quippage, etc. Stay tuned. As a prep, I'm posting today about several goals and changes that are scheduled to happen IMMEDIATELY. Now, according to John Tesh (that Evening Radio Guru of Wisdom and Knowledge), changes are more effective when they happen all at once, en masse, rather than gradually. For example, your efforts are more likely to stick when you quit smoking, change your diet, and begin an exercise program all at the same time instead of trying to add a new lifestyle shift every couple of weeks. I'm not entirely sure of the psychology behind this summation, but my current methods aren't working so I'm willing to give it a try (plus, JOHN TESH. The ERGWK. Also, the smoking thing isn't going to be a problem). And so, the GOALS:
BE ON TIME (TO EVERYTHING). I recently found out that in the family I have the reputation of always being late. Which... is almost true. I'm never late to rehearsals, and close enough to never to count for concerts and shows and the like - but I am pretty much consistently late to things like church, work, and family gatherings (insert own analysis here). I don't like this aspect of myself, and so it will now stop. I WILL be on time, with the target being 10 minutes early. Today I was on time to EVERYTHING (church, recital, choir practice) - although almost immediately after I managed to find a seat in the chapel 3 minutes before the Sacrament Meeting started I was asked to fill in for the chorister, and also ended up helping out the Primary Program on the fly. So, potential downsides to punctuality... ;-)
COMMUNICATE ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS (SCHEDULING, ISSUES, ANYTHING INVOLVING MY FAMILY) BY PHONE, NOT EMAIL. In my family, we have some difficulties with communication, and I've come to realize that many of those problems could potentially be solved if we just TALKED to each other, and aided communication with tone-of-voice and things like that. In a sad case of "Telephone" I recently heard that one sister-in-law talked to another sister-in-law, who then proceded to ask my brother's fiance if I had been bad-mouthing initial sister-in-law to fiance in order to give fiance a poor impression of said sister-in-law (not because she'd heard I'd said something, just because she thought I would). URRGHP?!? There are at least two extraneous people involved in this conversation that I can see, and a direct line could have avoided all kinds of hurt feelings (on my part) and misunderstandings (on hers). Additionally, I have never figured out a way to find out exactly why this particular sister-in-law has such a miserable opinion of me - and it may very well come down to a PHONE CALL and a DIRECT QUESTION. Strange concept, I know.
EXERCISE. EVERY DAY. ROUTINE TO INCLUDE CARDIO, STRETCHING, PILATES, OR ANY COMBINATION THEREOF, AS WELL AS WATER AND VITAMINS. Sigh. Just gotta be done. I was determined to lose weight before the upcoming wedding, and at this point it looks like the only weight I'll drop will be when I get my hair trimmed. IT IS TIME.
STOP GIVING ADVICE, SUGGESTIONS, "GENTLE NUDGES", ETC. I can occasionally be a know-it-all busybody (or at least I play one on TV) and while my intentions are always for the best they can sometimes be misread (see above goal re: COMMUNICATION). There will be no more parenting or relationship advice (see the irony?); no more fashion, decorating, or gift suggestions, and no life-coaching. It's time to use my powers for actual good by turning them on myself, since for the most part people treat advice with a "getting what they paid for" attitude. Free is free, people, but no more pearls will be tossed to mingle with the asphalt in local construction zones. I will now operate on the assumption that I am surrounded by capable adults who are actually (if subconsciously) cognizant of the solutions to their dilemmas, and don't need me pointing them out. Maybe I can spend the time I save on internal pursuits, and get MY life in order. (I... think there might be a LITTLE flexibility built into this particular goal, but in general, if you ask for my help - over the phone, natch - please expect that my answer will be "I think you should pray about it. So, how's the [insert hobby/class/family project here] coming?")
GET MORE SLEEP. In bed by 10:30, so as to get up by 6:30 to do the daily workout. This means the post is just about done, as I now have approximately 4 minutes (ignore the time stamp below, it's a bit wonky).
I'll report back, and look for something new (and different!) tomorrow and for the next month! Please feel free to comment lots!
Watch out for falling turtles (and [insert relevant accomplished goal here]),
Cyd
P.S. I have, in fact, flossed my teeth nearly every day this year. It's now habit. Obviously, I can achieve anything I set my mind to.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I know I haven't posted in a while, and to make up for it you will have a GLUT of entries to sort through in the next month... because I'm doing a "30-Days Post"! The idea is to get something up every day for a month - I'll try for journaling, pictures, links, jokes, quippage, etc. Stay tuned. As a prep, I'm posting today about several goals and changes that are scheduled to happen IMMEDIATELY. Now, according to John Tesh (that Evening Radio Guru of Wisdom and Knowledge), changes are more effective when they happen all at once, en masse, rather than gradually. For example, your efforts are more likely to stick when you quit smoking, change your diet, and begin an exercise program all at the same time instead of trying to add a new lifestyle shift every couple of weeks. I'm not entirely sure of the psychology behind this summation, but my current methods aren't working so I'm willing to give it a try (plus, JOHN TESH. The ERGWK. Also, the smoking thing isn't going to be a problem). And so, the GOALS:
BE ON TIME (TO EVERYTHING). I recently found out that in the family I have the reputation of always being late. Which... is almost true. I'm never late to rehearsals, and close enough to never to count for concerts and shows and the like - but I am pretty much consistently late to things like church, work, and family gatherings (insert own analysis here). I don't like this aspect of myself, and so it will now stop. I WILL be on time, with the target being 10 minutes early. Today I was on time to EVERYTHING (church, recital, choir practice) - although almost immediately after I managed to find a seat in the chapel 3 minutes before the Sacrament Meeting started I was asked to fill in for the chorister, and also ended up helping out the Primary Program on the fly. So, potential downsides to punctuality... ;-)
COMMUNICATE ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS (SCHEDULING, ISSUES, ANYTHING INVOLVING MY FAMILY) BY PHONE, NOT EMAIL. In my family, we have some difficulties with communication, and I've come to realize that many of those problems could potentially be solved if we just TALKED to each other, and aided communication with tone-of-voice and things like that. In a sad case of "Telephone" I recently heard that one sister-in-law talked to another sister-in-law, who then proceded to ask my brother's fiance if I had been bad-mouthing initial sister-in-law to fiance in order to give fiance a poor impression of said sister-in-law (not because she'd heard I'd said something, just because she thought I would). URRGHP?!? There are at least two extraneous people involved in this conversation that I can see, and a direct line could have avoided all kinds of hurt feelings (on my part) and misunderstandings (on hers). Additionally, I have never figured out a way to find out exactly why this particular sister-in-law has such a miserable opinion of me - and it may very well come down to a PHONE CALL and a DIRECT QUESTION. Strange concept, I know.
EXERCISE. EVERY DAY. ROUTINE TO INCLUDE CARDIO, STRETCHING, PILATES, OR ANY COMBINATION THEREOF, AS WELL AS WATER AND VITAMINS. Sigh. Just gotta be done. I was determined to lose weight before the upcoming wedding, and at this point it looks like the only weight I'll drop will be when I get my hair trimmed. IT IS TIME.
STOP GIVING ADVICE, SUGGESTIONS, "GENTLE NUDGES", ETC. I can occasionally be a know-it-all busybody (or at least I play one on TV) and while my intentions are always for the best they can sometimes be misread (see above goal re: COMMUNICATION). There will be no more parenting or relationship advice (see the irony?); no more fashion, decorating, or gift suggestions, and no life-coaching. It's time to use my powers for actual good by turning them on myself, since for the most part people treat advice with a "getting what they paid for" attitude. Free is free, people, but no more pearls will be tossed to mingle with the asphalt in local construction zones. I will now operate on the assumption that I am surrounded by capable adults who are actually (if subconsciously) cognizant of the solutions to their dilemmas, and don't need me pointing them out. Maybe I can spend the time I save on internal pursuits, and get MY life in order. (I... think there might be a LITTLE flexibility built into this particular goal, but in general, if you ask for my help - over the phone, natch - please expect that my answer will be "I think you should pray about it. So, how's the [insert hobby/class/family project here] coming?")
GET MORE SLEEP. In bed by 10:30, so as to get up by 6:30 to do the daily workout. This means the post is just about done, as I now have approximately 4 minutes (ignore the time stamp below, it's a bit wonky).
I'll report back, and look for something new (and different!) tomorrow and for the next month! Please feel free to comment lots!
Watch out for falling turtles (and [insert relevant accomplished goal here]),
Cyd
P.S. I have, in fact, flossed my teeth nearly every day this year. It's now habit. Obviously, I can achieve anything I set my mind to.
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