I meant to post this video yesterday, and I forgot. Then I remembered.
Simple, direct communication (plus a few guts) - it's the way to go. Shakespeare's all very well and good, but when it comes to relationships let's just SAY IT, okay? (And have fun!)
(Linked via my new 'obsessing-over' blog: A Blog About Love. One of these days - ooh, Spring Break! - I'm going to sit down and go back through the entire blog - there are lots of posts, but they've actually only been writing since September - and take notes. AND APPLY THEM TO MY LIFE. Amen.)
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Showing posts with label link. Show all posts
Showing posts with label link. Show all posts
March 28, 2012
January 07, 2012
Pedestrian Woes
It's actually something of a relief to know it's not just me.
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Also: Zombie, or Not? You decide.
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Also: Zombie, or Not? You decide.
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June 22, 2011
Dramaturgical Mindset
I'm planning to get a blog set up for my dramaturgy work - the journal stuff that I learn or would like to note that isn't necessarily about a specific production - as it's tough to link videos and such to the notebook I use as a journal. In the meantime, I'm going to keep linking things here!
This article talks about how the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was used as a 'flash mob', which I think is AWESOME. I was watching the video of the event, and it occurred to me that I was analyzing the dramaturgy of the scene that was playing out in the reenactment - wondering about the research, how the writer laid everything out, the balance of the lines and the actions... and that I was starting to think about most things this way. Movies, books, TV shows, commercials (ack! the commercials!), everything is starting to be evaluated for its dramaturgy.
I'm pretty excited about this new habit, actually.
* Here's the video link (no embed, bleh) - the singing starts about 3:28.
- I've been such a sap lately, even this was getting me a little emotional!
This article talks about how the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was used as a 'flash mob', which I think is AWESOME. I was watching the video of the event, and it occurred to me that I was analyzing the dramaturgy of the scene that was playing out in the reenactment - wondering about the research, how the writer laid everything out, the balance of the lines and the actions... and that I was starting to think about most things this way. Movies, books, TV shows, commercials (ack! the commercials!), everything is starting to be evaluated for its dramaturgy.
I'm pretty excited about this new habit, actually.
* Here's the video link (no embed, bleh) - the singing starts about 3:28.
- I've been such a sap lately, even this was getting me a little emotional!
May 29, 2011
If I Post It, Will They Come?
Five Things You Should Know Before Kissing Anyone
A life coach has kissing tips so simple they're brilliant. Get ready to pucker up!
[Editor's note: Maura Kelly writes the relationships blogA Year of Living Flirtatiously, for MarieClaire.com. This is an excerpt from that blog.]
In Emerson's rousing long essay, Self-Reliance — a call to intellectual independence and rigor — he says, "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: They come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."
One of the points Emerson is trying to make is this: The literature and art that we most appreciate is that which most accurately or powerfully reflects some basic human truths. It's not that the truths themselves are necessarily "deep." A genius is a genius not because his feelings or experiences are so unusual, or even so outstandingly powerful, but rather because he is able to recognize them as universal and meaningful, and to announce them, rather than pushing them aside as shameful or weird or too obvious — or allowing them to get drowned out by the flood of distractions and noise that often is life.
This is all a very long way of introducing a list of the five basic things you should know about a person before you kiss them that I recently came across in an email that was forwarded to me. It was written by life coach Laurie Gerber, and her tips are so simple and obvious and exactly right that they're borderline genius. Because our daily lives have gotten so complicated — our dating lives, in particular — I think these are exactly the kinds of tips we need to hear. Or, at least, I do.
Laurie says: "You cannot kiss anyone until you have first established they are worth your time."
How do you do that? Easy. Simply be sure that you know that:
1. They are looking for a serious relationship.
(But if you're not either ... well, then, you don't have to be worried about who you are kissing. Kiss whomever the heck you want.)
You should also feel interested in a serious relationship with the person in question. Which means you should know that:
2. You are impressed with what they are doing with their life.
3. You respect them.
4. You sense that they are comfortable with themselves.
5. You really want to kiss them.
Simple, right? But also kinda brilliant.
Now, maybe you're saying, "Eh, Maura, it's just a kiss — what's the big deal?" Well, I suppose the biggest thing is that having simple standards like these is one way to help boost your self-esteem. If you're kissing every Tom, Dick and Harry who crosses your path — and often getting rejected by them — that might not feel so good. Simply knowing that a person has to meet certain qualifications before getting to the next level with you will leave you feeling empowered. Like you have standards. Because you do!
One of the points Emerson is trying to make is this: The literature and art that we most appreciate is that which most accurately or powerfully reflects some basic human truths. It's not that the truths themselves are necessarily "deep." A genius is a genius not because his feelings or experiences are so unusual, or even so outstandingly powerful, but rather because he is able to recognize them as universal and meaningful, and to announce them, rather than pushing them aside as shameful or weird or too obvious — or allowing them to get drowned out by the flood of distractions and noise that often is life.
This is all a very long way of introducing a list of the five basic things you should know about a person before you kiss them that I recently came across in an email that was forwarded to me. It was written by life coach Laurie Gerber, and her tips are so simple and obvious and exactly right that they're borderline genius. Because our daily lives have gotten so complicated — our dating lives, in particular — I think these are exactly the kinds of tips we need to hear. Or, at least, I do.
Laurie says: "You cannot kiss anyone until you have first established they are worth your time."
How do you do that? Easy. Simply be sure that you know that:
1. They are looking for a serious relationship.
(But if you're not either ... well, then, you don't have to be worried about who you are kissing. Kiss whomever the heck you want.)
You should also feel interested in a serious relationship with the person in question. Which means you should know that:
2. You are impressed with what they are doing with their life.
3. You respect them.
4. You sense that they are comfortable with themselves.
5. You really want to kiss them.
Simple, right? But also kinda brilliant.
Now, maybe you're saying, "Eh, Maura, it's just a kiss — what's the big deal?" Well, I suppose the biggest thing is that having simple standards like these is one way to help boost your self-esteem. If you're kissing every Tom, Dick and Harry who crosses your path — and often getting rejected by them — that might not feel so good. Simply knowing that a person has to meet certain qualifications before getting to the next level with you will leave you feeling empowered. Like you have standards. Because you do!
In fact, I'd go as far as to say you should know all of these five things before you go on a second date.
- From MSN Lifestyle - I like it.
May 22, 2011
Can't We All Just Get Along (You Meatheads)?
Great article in the Deseret News today on civility in public discourse - the gist is that a few years ago a prominent conservative evangelical started to be disturbed over the way Mormons were treated during the 2008 presidential elections, particularly by evangelicals. (Just pause for a moment and take that in - I KNOW.) He decided to draw attention to the fact that most Americans actually want and believe in appropriate behavior in political settings, and came up with the Civility Pledge:
I would sign it. I'll think about it, remember it, and do my best to live by it. Sadly, when this man sent it out to members of Congress and governors only three people actually signed and returned it. THREE. Out of 585 requests that people be civil in their public and political discourse, three agreed to do it.
My state representatives were not on that list.
How embarrassing.
I think it's time to write a letter - a polite, intelligent, firm, calm, respectful letter to let my elected officials know that I expect better of them.
Coming into the beginning of campaign season, I think it's also time that this be one of the first questions asked in every discussion: "What's your stance on civility? What do you plan to do about it?"
Once that's been established, we'll actually be able to talk productively about everything else. Wouldn't that be a nice change.
* I will be civil in my public discourse and behavior.
* I will be respectful of others whether or not I agree with them.
* I will stand against incivility when I see it.
I would sign it. I'll think about it, remember it, and do my best to live by it. Sadly, when this man sent it out to members of Congress and governors only three people actually signed and returned it. THREE. Out of 585 requests that people be civil in their public and political discourse, three agreed to do it.
My state representatives were not on that list.
How embarrassing.
I think it's time to write a letter - a polite, intelligent, firm, calm, respectful letter to let my elected officials know that I expect better of them.
Coming into the beginning of campaign season, I think it's also time that this be one of the first questions asked in every discussion: "What's your stance on civility? What do you plan to do about it?"
Once that's been established, we'll actually be able to talk productively about everything else. Wouldn't that be a nice change.
May 20, 2011
Brief, and Positive - Ideal?
I generally enjoy Scott Adams' blogs - he always has something interesting to say. In the category of "Self- and Society-Help" I present:
Slowing the Decline in Your Personal Appeal
We humans start our lives at the peak of your popularity. Everyone loves babies. The trouble starts when we learn to speak. Talking is the process by which we transform from adorable to insufferable. The more we talk, the less appealing we become.
No topic is safe. If things are going well for you, and you make the mistake of talking about it, others will think you're a self-absorbed bragger. If things are going poorly for you, and you talk about it, others will think you're a gloomy downer. If you talk about other people, you're a gossip. If you freely offer your opinion on the pros and cons of things, you'll be seen as too critical or too opinionated.
If you talk about politics, the people who disagree with you will see you as either an immoral ass hat or a superstitious simpleton. The people who share your viewpoint will see you as a bore because you're stating the obvious and probably taking too long to do it.
The old saying is that it's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. It's unambiguously true that the more you talk, the higher your odds of saying something that is memorably stupid, cruel, selfish, or evil.
Telling amusing stories is okay in small doses. But storytelling is a rare skill. And the people who know you well have heard all of your best stories. Every story you tell will lower your average.
One situation in which talking works well is when two analytical or academic people share opinions and information on topics of common interest. That can be stimulating, especially if one or both people has a sense of humor. But if those two people spend much time together, they start running out of fresh topics. The more they talk, the less interesting they become to each other.
The rules of conversation are a bit different for people who don't know each other well or don't see each other often. In those cases, a bit of extra chatter is useful to keep the awkwardness at bay. But as you spend more time with an individual, every word you utter makes you less desirable.
Lately I have been wondering if there's an antidote for the social decay caused by talking. One fix is to spend more time with strangers. But that would be exhausting and hollow.
You could try doing more listening and less talking. People like that. But listening with empathy has the perverse effect of rewarding the talker for sharing his woes. That's a problem because if you cause someone to focus on his own misfortune, you make things worse for him. In time, the talker will associate you with all of his most unpleasant thoughts because that's the connection you keep reinforcing.
My best solution for the scourge of talking is this: Be brief and say something positive.
Brevity will slow the inevitable decline in your popularity caused by talking. And saying something positive as often as possible will be a mood booster to whoever is in the room with you. Humans are followers, and if you set a positive tone, it rubs off.
You'll never regain the personal appeal you enjoyed as a baby. But if you say nice things, and don't say much, you might become relatively less unappealing than the people around you. And that's not nothing.
* * * * *
Brief? Maybe. Positive? Sorta -yes? Either way, he makes a very good point. (Go try it!)
Slowing the Decline in Your Personal Appeal
We humans start our lives at the peak of your popularity. Everyone loves babies. The trouble starts when we learn to speak. Talking is the process by which we transform from adorable to insufferable. The more we talk, the less appealing we become.
No topic is safe. If things are going well for you, and you make the mistake of talking about it, others will think you're a self-absorbed bragger. If things are going poorly for you, and you talk about it, others will think you're a gloomy downer. If you talk about other people, you're a gossip. If you freely offer your opinion on the pros and cons of things, you'll be seen as too critical or too opinionated.
If you talk about politics, the people who disagree with you will see you as either an immoral ass hat or a superstitious simpleton. The people who share your viewpoint will see you as a bore because you're stating the obvious and probably taking too long to do it.
The old saying is that it's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. It's unambiguously true that the more you talk, the higher your odds of saying something that is memorably stupid, cruel, selfish, or evil.
Telling amusing stories is okay in small doses. But storytelling is a rare skill. And the people who know you well have heard all of your best stories. Every story you tell will lower your average.
One situation in which talking works well is when two analytical or academic people share opinions and information on topics of common interest. That can be stimulating, especially if one or both people has a sense of humor. But if those two people spend much time together, they start running out of fresh topics. The more they talk, the less interesting they become to each other.
The rules of conversation are a bit different for people who don't know each other well or don't see each other often. In those cases, a bit of extra chatter is useful to keep the awkwardness at bay. But as you spend more time with an individual, every word you utter makes you less desirable.
Lately I have been wondering if there's an antidote for the social decay caused by talking. One fix is to spend more time with strangers. But that would be exhausting and hollow.
You could try doing more listening and less talking. People like that. But listening with empathy has the perverse effect of rewarding the talker for sharing his woes. That's a problem because if you cause someone to focus on his own misfortune, you make things worse for him. In time, the talker will associate you with all of his most unpleasant thoughts because that's the connection you keep reinforcing.
My best solution for the scourge of talking is this: Be brief and say something positive.
Brevity will slow the inevitable decline in your popularity caused by talking. And saying something positive as often as possible will be a mood booster to whoever is in the room with you. Humans are followers, and if you set a positive tone, it rubs off.
You'll never regain the personal appeal you enjoyed as a baby. But if you say nice things, and don't say much, you might become relatively less unappealing than the people around you. And that's not nothing.
* * * * *
Brief? Maybe. Positive? Sorta -yes? Either way, he makes a very good point. (Go try it!)
April 30, 2011
Holy Las Vegas and Hot I-15!*
I want to be DeNae. Y'know, someday. (I hopehopehope she never grows up.)
*Oh, and sorry about the language.
*Oh, and sorry about the language.
April 12, 2011
Spring Cleaning
Truth, sista. I am so on board with this.
'Scuse me - I've got to go work on the advertising for MY yard sale.
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'Scuse me - I've got to go work on the advertising for MY yard sale.
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November 15, 2009
Bonus Content #10 - Character Values Trump Sexiness
Wow. Somebody in the mainstream media is finally getting it right. This article is targeted as advice to women about what to look for in men, and it's good stuff for both sexes to consider working on (urgh, just cannot find a way to end that sentence without a dangling preposition!).
In conclusion, when I build a house it's going to have to include both a den and a laboratory.
In conclusion, when I build a house it's going to have to include both a den and a laboratory.
October 26, 2009
Guess What?
You don't have to be pretty.
Me either, for that matter.
I'm so relieved.
(I feel a T-shirt coming on.)
Me either, for that matter.
I'm so relieved.
(I feel a T-shirt coming on.)
September 07, 2009
Sarcasm Font Needed
These are both random AND completely awesome.
Thank you, Facebook friends, for giving me something to link from my blog once more!
Thank you, Facebook friends, for giving me something to link from my blog once more!
July 25, 2008
Once again...
It seems to me that most of what I'm doing lately is linking to other things - I'll try to get something nice and rant-y up here soon.
In the meantime - link! I think this post has great points and describes some terrific principles... there are things here I think I can apply right away in relationships. Hmmm...
(ETA: I haven't read this yet, but I want to, so I'm linking it here so I can find it easily later. Feel free to tell me what you think about it!)
Also, days to marathon: 37
Days to potential mental breakdown: 1 or (approximately) 15
In the meantime - link! I think this post has great points and describes some terrific principles... there are things here I think I can apply right away in relationships. Hmmm...
(ETA: I haven't read this yet, but I want to, so I'm linking it here so I can find it easily later. Feel free to tell me what you think about it!)
Also, days to marathon: 37
Days to potential mental breakdown: 1 or (approximately) 15
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