Men are From Mars, But They've Lost the Map

In which we shall see: Disclaimers, self-editing, italics, sound effects, a sociological analysis, and a glass of lemonade (half empty/half full).

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Disclaimer: The frog from the previous post is starting to get to me. I blog today out of self-preservation.

Situation Reading: I should be working on the research packet for the next play. I need to get to the gym soon. This could be a very long night.

Small Moment of Victory: I'm on Day 8 of no chocolate! **(Okay, I had this whole rambling story here about withstanding the evil temptations of chocolate, but seriously - I started boring myself so I deleted it. The End.)**

Check This Out Moment: There is not much out there that is funnier than a group of theatre people (+ one spouse) sitting around playing a very intense game of "Cranium". HILARIOUS.

And now to your regularly scheduled post:


I have a theory.

(Didja hear the "Dun dun dun"?)

My theory is that the men of my generation are suffering from an identity crisis. (I'm pretty sure I have no idea where to go from here with this particular topic. Away we run.) While every generation in the past century has been one affected by transition, it seems to me that males my age are being hit by particularly jolting, disorienting fluxes in social evolution. It's like they're stuck in at the center of a wave - they're not down in the valley, waiting for the next swell, and they're not riding the current on top; they're halfway down/up, and have no idea which way to paddle.

It seems that single guys my age (and maybe some married ones - I'm not watching those) are caught between the final death throes of chivalry and the birth of complete social "equity" topped off with an icing of metrosexuality. From what I can tell, men 30 years or so older than me seem(ed) to have a fairly good idea of what their roles were in life and relationships. They knew (or were willing to learn) how to work with women to create families and acknowledged that there were "stages" to be moved on to as they got older. The next generation (following mine) seems to have, perhaps, less of an understanding or perception of "roles", but a congenial interaction with females that makes me think equality is becoming an accepted fact, not a necessary fight. Single men in my generation appear to be caught in a kind of stasis - chivalry is no longer appropriate (contrary to their fading childhood lessons) but complete informality is a foreign, unnavigable minefield. Additionally, they have possibly taken the goals of their baby-boomer parents to an extreme: they work to get the house and the car and the recreational vehicles, and then realize they've spent so much time acquiring what they thought they wanted that they have forgotten how to interact with other people - namely, women.

In the meantime, women of my generation have realized that they not only can but will have to build their lives themselves, and so they get on with doing it, eventually furthering the gender breach - since by the time the men are willing to offer what they have gained, women see that they don't really want any of it... or have already gotten it on their own. Mom used to tell me that I should "play hard to get", even though I was never good at or interested in playing mind games. I eventually realized that it was a waste of time for me to ask out anyone my age - all the men I knew responded poorly to being approached by an "assertive" (or other descriptors) female. Today, though, males seem to enjoy being given invitations by girls - my youngest brother is flattered when a young lady asks him out, as opposed to being frightened or intimidated. My roommate, just under a year older than me and gorgeous (you're welcome, Mel, and it's true) hasn't dated anyone recently near our age - the guys who ask her out have been averaging at around 8 years younger than she is.

So what's the deal? The apostles and prophets have been addressing the issue more frequently in recent years ("Socialize!" "Date!" "Get married, you morons!" - okay, not a direct quote) and we're in the midst of the latest round of rumors that singles' wards will be disbanded. Before I came back to my "family" ward I was in a singles' ward for those ages 31-45; in the year and a half I attended there I was visible, I was friendly, the bishopric thought I was awesome, and only one guy asked me out - once (it was a pretty good lunch date - he talked non-stop about his job and all the girls he tried to go out with, but I really liked the restaurant) and that was it.

My only explanation is this identity crisis. Men in my generation are trying to deal with the growth of blatant homosexuality; the onset of male beauty treatments; the recognition that the cheerleader types they've always seen themselves as dating are now 15-25 years younger than they are; the lack of accessible role models; and women who have either gotten tired of waiting and have moved on to create successful (read: intimidating) careers and lives or women who are still so desperate to get any man that they'll allow a guy to walk all over her and thank him for it later. A successful, personable 42-year-old man should not have any difficulty holding a simple, sociable conversation with a single woman within five years of his own age. If he does, there are therapists for that - once he can get past the outdated preconception that therapists are only for crazy people.

It could be that this is only a problem in Utah. It could be that I'm the one who's crazy. Whatever the case, it's time for me to wish the best of luck to my male peers, promise to smile at them occasionally (but only from a distance), and get on with building my own successful career and life. And maybe get a therapist.

Watch out for falling turtles,

Cyd


Meaningful phone conversations I had today: 2
Days I've gone without chocolate: 7 (Sunday was a buy - it's all explained in the story I deleted)
Stupid things I stopped myself from doing today: 2
Things from previous posts about which I was absolutely correct today: 1

Your thoughts?