In which we shall see: Some ramblings and mental perambulations which, ironically, come to no real conclusion.
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Hey! It's July! When did that happen? June was here, then gone, and it didn't even say goodbye! I'm not really ready for last month to be over - couldn't we discuss this? I'll probably be fine, once I get my head around it... Honestly, though, a little finality would be nice!
*Leaves for a moment to go change the calendar*
OK, I'm ready now. Just had to square that away.
People are funny, it seems to me, about this idea of "closure". I've used it as an excuse for years: "Well of COURSE we should have desert, the meal needs closure!" - but what is it really all about? It's odd, sometimes, how we have difficulty moving forward if we don't have a "The End" sign first. I've been thinking about this lately, and wondering how much difference it makes. For example, by all reasonable accounts or expectations, a relationship is over (we've all been there). The spark is gone, you've grown apart, you haven't talked since his birthday... a month ago... and yet the relationship isn't completely finished until there is an actual, verbal, face-to-face break-up. Does the break-up introduce new information, or somehow give you permission to move on? (For me, in one memorable instance the break-up did in fact introduce some new and painful information that I would have been much happier without. Closure was ABSOLUTELY overrated.)
We seem to have a deep-seated need for a "button", a "tagline", some indication that things really are finished. I HATE books that leave me turning the last page back and forth (as if additional print will magically appear) muttering, "Wait - that's IT?!?" An excess of closure can have a similarly exasperating effect - "Honestly, get it over with... um, Shakespeare, old buddy, I'm pretty sure we already saw this scene twice, we don't need to hear about it again! Done, already!" It's kind of like presents under a Christmas tree - everything should be wrapped just so, each gift should be inclusive unto itself for maximum satisfaction, and eventually the packages should all be distributed so we can move on to the homemade cinnamon rolls. We don't seem to like dangling possibilities of any kind, and have difficulty tying them up without help.
I am an action-girl (by which I mean, "not patient") and I like answers and conclusions to present themselves neatly, ASAP. This may be a by-product of my reading habit - I read exhaustively and continually, and pretty quickly. I really don't have to sit in suspense for long, because I know I can keep reading until I get to the ending. (Don't ask about my track record with the Twilight books.) Recently, however, I have found myself in a situation where I haven't been able to get any clear answers, though not for lack of attempted manipulation (er, "trying"). Slowly, I've been seeing that it might be all right if I never get the answer, that my future happiness is not going to be determined by the acquisition of this one piece of knowledge, and that I am allowed to make the decision to let things go without help or permission from anyone else. It's a weird feeling. Kind of loose, and nebulous... and fluffy... Like I said, weird. And a little liberating, too - I don't have to wait for someone else to make up their mind and take action before I decide what to do next. I don't have to be dependent on outside forces to finish or wrap up my own thought processes, pack them away, and move on to something new. I don't have to have closure. It's OK not to cut people out of my life (impose "closure" on them) - I can let them fade out, or just wait and see what they do next week, and then make a new decision based on what I have decided to do in the meantime. If I'm done watching the movie, it's OK to walk out. If I didn't like the way the book ended, I can spend a few minutes coming up with a more satisfactory conclusion - OR I can mentally shrug, put the author on my "maybe not, next time" list, and pick up the next volume in my stack (ideally, after having gone out for a run, met up with some friends, and put in a load of laundry. Balance, or something).
I guess this means I really don't need dessert after all. Wow. Now THERE'S a concept.
Watch out for falling turtles,
Cyd
3 comments:
Sweet, just as we're gearing up for some! It was a long day's work, we deserve the dessert!
Nice post.
Yes this has been a hard lesson for me too. As far as friends go I've learned that I don't have to close off any relationship...I just keep the ones I love (and in my mind worth the effort) close and the others can drift in and out of my life or do what they are supposed to, but I am not going to waste time cutting them out or trying to include them...just let them be and what will be, will be! I have been grateful for learning this concept, because I have found that if I had closed certain people out of my life it would have been VERY awkward when I had to share a ward with them later, or by chance move to the same state, or even better the person still trying to be a part of my life despite how I feel about the relationship on the inside. I have decided that Heavenly Father's hand is always stretched out towards us so I could atleast keep my door open to being kind no matter what. As far as information about our own lives I have learned that if we truly want to have the closure we need that trusting my Father in Heaven is the best bet even if it means closure before or after I think I need or want it. Life is not fair...but it is if we trust and try and understand it through our Father in Heaven's eyes...does that make sense?!
Absolutely it does. That's a lovely continuation of the ideas here! Thanks, lady!
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