If I Post It, Will They Come?

Five Things You Should Know Before Kissing Anyone

A life coach has kissing tips so simple they're brilliant. Get ready to pucker up!

By Maura Kelly

[Editor's note: Maura Kelly writes the relationships blogA Year of Living Flirtatiously, for MarieClaire.com. This is an excerpt from that blog.]

In Emerson's rousing long essay, Self-Reliance — a call to intellectual independence and rigor — he says, "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: They come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."

One of the points Emerson is trying to make is this: The literature and art that we most appreciate is that which most accurately or powerfully reflects some basic human truths. It's not that the truths themselves are necessarily "deep." A genius is a genius not because his feelings or experiences are so unusual, or even so outstandingly powerful, but rather because he is able to recognize them as universal and meaningful, and to announce them, rather than pushing them aside as shameful or weird or too obvious — or allowing them to get drowned out by the flood of distractions and noise that often is life.

This is all a very long way of introducing a list of the five basic things you should know about a person before you kiss them that I recently came across in an email that was forwarded to me. It was written by life coach Laurie Gerber, and her tips are so simple and obvious and exactly right that they're borderline genius. Because our daily lives have gotten so complicated — our dating lives, in particular — I think these are exactly the kinds of tips we need to hear. Or, at least, I do.

Laurie says: "You cannot kiss anyone until you have first established they are worth your time."

How do you do that? Easy. Simply be sure that you know that:

1. They are looking for a serious relationship.
(But if you're not either ... well, then, you don't have to be worried about who you are kissing. Kiss whomever the heck you want.)

You should also feel interested in a serious relationship with the person in question. Which means you should know that:

2. You are impressed with what they are doing with their life.

3. You respect them.

4. You sense that they are comfortable with themselves.

5. You really want to kiss them. 

Simple, right? But also kinda brilliant.

Now, maybe you're saying, "Eh, Maura, it's just a kiss — what's the big deal?" Well, I suppose the biggest thing is that having simple standards like these is one way to help boost your self-esteem. If you're kissing every Tom, Dick and Harry who crosses your path — and often getting rejected by them — that might not feel so good. Simply knowing that a person has to meet certain qualifications before getting to the next level with you will leave you feeling empowered. Like you have standards. Because you do!

In fact, I'd go as far as to say you should know all of these five things before you go on a second date.

 

 - From MSN Lifestyle - I like it.

Winter Onederland, Part 2

Today's post was written by a fellow American ex-pat here in London, the bright, witty, book-club-lovin', man-killin' and remarkably attractive Elizabeth Gilliland. (Did I get that right?) She gives new insight into the need for couples' counseling. And snow shovels.

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Dear London,

There comes a natural time in every relationship when a couple has to decide whether they're going to go their separate ways or buy those matching grave plots. And I'm afraid that there just isn't room in my cemetery for you. In a literal sense because you're a city, but also in a metaphorical sense because it just isn't working anymore. We both knew this was coming-- I'm an American, you're a Brit. I say "to-may-to," you say "to-mah-to" and then make me feel self-conscious about the way I pronounce my "t"s. You're full of too many annoying tourists and not nearly enough Wal-Marts or boxes of macaroni and cheese. In short, it's time to move on.

But I'm afraid one of us is having issues with letting go. And by one of us, I mean you. When a person has all her bags packed and is excited about going home to see her family, and to eat that all-important chimichanga, it is malicious to send weather conditions that will cancel her flight. Twice. And then ground her until Christmas day. This is petty behavior, London, and frankly, it's beneath you. Can't we get to that place where we're happy for each other? Where I don't cyber stalk every fresh-eyed girl who posts something in her facebook status about moving to the greatest city in the world, and where you don't send mild showers of snow to a city that is comically and completely incompetently unable to deal with it right as I'm about to leave? Because frankly, London, some of the magic was lost when I had to return from the airport and dig through the trash to find my toothpaste.

So what do you say we put this behind us, London? Let's remember the good times we had together. The strolls through Hyde Park. The Indian food. The shows, and subsequent stalking of various male celebrities. Sometimes separation helps us remember the things that we truly loved about each other, and glosses over the bad. I'll forget your tendency to leave traces of soot in my nose if you forget my propensity for eating on public transportation. And no, this has nothing to do with my exes-- flashy New York, comfortable Provo. And I swear, Phoenix and I are JUST FRIENDS; even though we will (hopefully) be spending the holidays together does not mean we are getting back together. I'm looking forward to having somewhere new in my life-- but we'll always have a special place for each other in our hearts. You even more so than you might think, since I have left some very inappropriate graffiti in some key locations around the city.

So thanks, London. For everything. Now let me leave.

Snuggle Bear... I mean, Elizabeth

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Bonus Content #10 - Character Values Trump Sexiness

Wow. Somebody in the mainstream media is finally getting it right. This article is targeted as advice to women about what to look for in men, and it's good stuff for both sexes to consider working on (urgh, just cannot find a way to end that sentence without a dangling preposition!).

In conclusion, when I build a house it's going to have to include both a den and a laboratory.

Autumn Falling

I like my hair.

I've been trying to find something to blog about (I seriously have been attempting to get that promised video of the teepee and the quilts posted - SO CUTE - and it has NOT uploaded. Grrr) and it's been pretty foggy. Not literally - I was out walking in the beeyoutiful fall sunshine today (sorry, all you rained-out West-coasters) and the fog was all mental. Here's what I realized: I really dislike "crushing" on someone because it makes me all emotional and out of control and stupid, but it's easier to feel alive and sparkly and mentally active if you've got some outside source of energy feeding you. I HATE feeling addicted to someone (so not EVER trying drugs or alcohol), and I really am bitter about the apparent truth that chemistry really can be one-sided. Or two-thirds-sided, if I'm being optimistic. So why is that? How can love/infatuation/attraction be such a complete downer and yet still be the thing that makes life interesting and exciting? There just HAS to be some other way.

In the meantime, at least, I really do like my hair.

It's Not the End, Again

In which we shall see: Some ramblings and mental perambulations which, ironically, come to no real conclusion.

*

Hey! It's July! When did that happen? June was here, then gone, and it didn't even say goodbye! I'm not really ready for last month to be over - couldn't we discuss this? I'll probably be fine, once I get my head around it... Honestly, though, a little finality would be nice!

*Leaves for a moment to go change the calendar*

OK, I'm ready now. Just had to square that away.

People are funny, it seems to me, about this idea of "closure". I've used it as an excuse for years: "Well of COURSE we should have desert, the meal needs closure!" - but what is it really all about? It's odd, sometimes, how we have difficulty moving forward if we don't have a "The End" sign first. I've been thinking about this lately, and wondering how much difference it makes. For example, by all reasonable accounts or expectations, a relationship is over (we've all been there). The spark is gone, you've grown apart, you haven't talked since his birthday... a month ago... and yet the relationship isn't completely finished until there is an actual, verbal, face-to-face break-up. Does the break-up introduce new information, or somehow give you permission to move on? (For me, in one memorable instance the break-up did in fact introduce some new and painful information that I would have been much happier without. Closure was ABSOLUTELY overrated.)

We seem to have a deep-seated need for a "button", a "tagline", some indication that things really are finished. I HATE books that leave me turning the last page back and forth (as if additional print will magically appear) muttering, "Wait - that's IT?!?" An excess of closure can have a similarly exasperating effect - "Honestly, get it over with... um, Shakespeare, old buddy, I'm pretty sure we already saw this scene twice, we don't need to hear about it again! Done, already!" It's kind of like presents under a Christmas tree - everything should be wrapped just so, each gift should be inclusive unto itself for maximum satisfaction, and eventually the packages should all be distributed so we can move on to the homemade cinnamon rolls. We don't seem to like dangling possibilities of any kind, and have difficulty tying them up without help.

I am an action-girl (by which I mean, "not patient") and I like answers and conclusions to present themselves neatly, ASAP. This may be a by-product of my reading habit - I read exhaustively and continually, and pretty quickly. I really don't have to sit in suspense for long, because I know I can keep reading until I get to the ending. (Don't ask about my track record with the Twilight books.) Recently, however, I have found myself in a situation where I haven't been able to get any clear answers, though not for lack of attempted manipulation (er, "trying"). Slowly, I've been seeing that it might be all right if I never get the answer, that my future happiness is not going to be determined by the acquisition of this one piece of knowledge, and that I am allowed to make the decision to let things go without help or permission from anyone else. It's a weird feeling. Kind of loose, and nebulous... and fluffy... Like I said, weird. And a little liberating, too - I don't have to wait for someone else to make up their mind and take action before I decide what to do next. I don't have to be dependent on outside forces to finish or wrap up my own thought processes, pack them away, and move on to something new. I don't have to have closure. It's OK not to cut people out of my life (impose "closure" on them) - I can let them fade out, or just wait and see what they do next week, and then make a new decision based on what I have decided to do in the meantime. If I'm done watching the movie, it's OK to walk out. If I didn't like the way the book ended, I can spend a few minutes coming up with a more satisfactory conclusion - OR I can mentally shrug, put the author on my "maybe not, next time" list, and pick up the next volume in my stack (ideally, after having gone out for a run, met up with some friends, and put in a load of laundry. Balance, or something).

I guess this means I really don't need dessert after all. Wow. Now THERE'S a concept.

Watch out for falling turtles,


Cyd

Science Class

Chemistry - "That branch of science which treats of the composition of substances, and of the changes which they undergo in consequence of alterations in the constitution of the molecules, which depend upon variations of the number, kind, or mode of arrangement, of the constituent atoms. These atoms are not assumed to be indivisible, but merely the finest grade of subdivision hitherto attained. Chemistry deals with the changes in the composition and constitution of molecules." (Webster's Unabridged Dictionary)

Chemistry - "Not only the study of the properties of matter and the changes it undergoes, chemistry can also define people's relationships. As all chemists know, chemistry is extremely complicated. Between sublimation, atomic masses, moles, beta and alpha decay, oxidation numbers, emperical formulas, diatomic molecules, stoichiometry, molarity, kinetics, brownsted-lowry acids and bases, titration, redox equations, hydrocarbons, isomers, , and of course the one and only equilibrium, there is so much to understand in the scientific world of chemistry.

However, what some chemists might underestimate is the figure it plays when speaking of "bonds" between two completely different people or molecules. Since they are coming from different families or groups, they of course have different properties and characteristics. Yet through forces of attraction, such as vanderwaals, they are able to bond. This is because chemical reactions occur and two different people exist in equilibrium.

Alright. We are sure you are sick of hearing these chem terms, as are we. So basically chemistry is a way of describing a friendship, not only a science. Although many fights and conflicts occur, there is some sort of chemistry that brings two souls back together. And though they may drift apart, these forces will never be able to be broken. As they say, Chemistry is everything. So I guess friendship is everything." (Urban Dictionary.com)

Huh.

Interesting.

Possibly.

What to keep, and what to toss? What do YOU think? Homework - discuss.